Is it better to prioritise getting married or buying a home together?

Many people say it’s the happiest day of their life. The ultimate commitment you can make with somebody else. But are we talking about a couple’s wedding day, or the moment of buying their first home together?

Well, according to research we’ve carried out here at Skipton Building Society, bricks and mortar tops exchanging wedding vows on the importance list. We asked 1,000 adults, in unwedded relationships, and discovered:

• 59% of people admit they would struggle to fund both a wedding and a deposit.
• 64% think it’s a bigger priority to get on the property ladder than to get married.
• 57% of people who prefer to prioritise owning a home say it’s because of the financial stability, with 43% arguing it’s “better value for money” than getting married.
• 55% believe that getting out of home ownership would be a more complex legal procedure than getting a divorce.

Who says romance is dead, eh? The saddest part for me, reading this research, is that it has to be a choice in the first place. But then, in my experience of being a mortgage adviser at Skipton Building Society, this is the reality for many people.

An expensive business

Let’s examine the facts. According to Hitched, in 2023 the average cost of a wedding was an eye-watering £20,700. 65% of couples spent more than £15,000 on their wedding, and 59% ultimately went over budget.

Now let’s look at the money needed to buy a home. In February 2024, the Halifax House Price Index found the average deposit for a first-time buyer is £53,414. That’s more than twice the cost of the average wedding.

When you consider that the latest government data puts the average UK salary at around £35,000 (before tax), it really isn’t easy for any couple to save for a house or wedding. Never mind both. No wonder so many unwedded couples face such tricky financial choices – and want something more lasting to show for it.

Overall, our research found three in four couples believe that buying a home together is a bigger commitment than tying the knot with their partner.

Knowing when to make your move

At Skipton Building Society, we get huge satisfaction from helping people’s home ownership dreams come true. And offering guidance to those who might not quite be there yet, but who want to know more about what they could afford to do when they are.

This includes the story of Bec and Sam, who featured in our mini advice series in partnership with Channel 4. They are both self-employed and living with Bec’s parents. They share a strong desire to own a home of their own. On the first Make your Move episode, I spoke to them about their situation and their options.

Bec and Sam were in a decent position. Not least because, although living with parents isn’t ideal in the long-term, it allowed them to get to know each other even better before they bought a home together. Our research found 83% believe it’s important to have lived with your other half.

This is really sensible. And although high rents in the UK are definitely a problem right now, hopefully co-habiting with your partner can allow you both to save up more towards a deposit.

I often say to customers that having a good level of savings will really help you. It can take time, but if you put away a set amount away each month that you know you can afford, you might be surprised how quickly your total builds up. Especially if you are putting it into a savings account that offers a good interest rate.

It’s something that at Skipton Building Society we can help with. We offer a range of savings products for different needs. This includes a Cash Lifetime ISA (or LISA) – designed to help first time buyers (as well as people saving for retirement).

With a LISA, you get a government bonus on top of the interest you earn. You should know there are strict rules around making withdrawals from a LISA. Tax rules may also change in the future.

Browse our range of savings options, or go straight to our Lifetime ISA page.

How do you know if you’re ready to buy a house?

This is a question we get a lot. And the answer is – it really depends. Embarking on the journey of buying your first home together is an exciting adventure and massive chapter in any relationship. However, it’s important to understand the process and ensure you have a clear plan.

Our team of qualified mortgage advisers are here to help people find out where they stand. All you need to do is share a few details about your financial situation, and a member of the team will be able to give you an idea of how much you could afford to borrow. They can also discuss what your monthly mortgage repayments might be.

Best of all – all of this is completely free! We can give you the facts and information you need, so you can decide on your next steps. If it looks like you’re in a position to go house hunting, we can talk about the range of mortgage options we have available. And if you have an offer accepted on a home, we can look to start making mortgage arrangements.

This is all a big step, I know. Sometimes I speak to young couples who aren’t sure if they’re ready to make this commitment. It’s not my place to say. But according to our research, 69% say that when a relationship feels stable, it’s the biggest indicator you’re ready to buy a home together.

My top tips for couples looking to start the process of owning a home together would be to take the time to understand what your shared priorities are – now and in the future. This will help you establish what you want from a property, and in turn work out a budget.

Here for first-time buyers

At Skipton Building Society, we are especially mindful about the plight of first-time buyers.

• It’s why more of our lending in 2023 went to first-time buyers than ever before (33% of our total lending).
• In total over 2023, we supported more than 19,000 first-time buyers.
• We have a selection of mortgage products to help first-time buyers.

We have other plans in the pipeline – watch this space! To find out what’s right for you, we’re here to help.

Expert view

We’ve teamed up with Tayo Oguntonade, a TV presenter and property expert. Like many unwedded couples, Tayo and his partner were faced with the decision of prioritising a house or marriage. They chose buying a home first.

Tayo explains, “From personal experience of buying a property with my now-wife before we were married, and spending years as a mortgage broker, one of my top tips for couples buying together would be to be as financially transparent as possible.

“Having a clear understanding of each other's views on savings, debt, credit scores, and more is a great foundation when buying together. This is because when you take out a mortgage together you become financially linked.

“So, considering how this shared financial responsibility will affect both of you moving forward is very important.”